I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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