guys are not supposed to queef...right?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
