You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
