3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
