Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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