Screwed.edu
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
