Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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