dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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