what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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