I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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