You really coming over, don't trick.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
