So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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