I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
