I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
