All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
