I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
