I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
