Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
