someone get that fucking seahorse.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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