walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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