There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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