What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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