New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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