when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
