the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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