we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
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I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.