He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
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I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.