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dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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