Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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