it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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