I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize