I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
