Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
