i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
