i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
