I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
