dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i think im in europe. pls send help
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
