Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
