i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
