Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
