My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
