it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
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i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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