i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
