i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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