New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
