hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
