My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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