I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
4 words: hood of his car
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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