So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize