Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
