my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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