; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
where does the pee come out of this thing
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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