i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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