i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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