I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
