another moral hangover. fuck.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
