I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
