I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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