Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
