you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
