Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
