It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
