I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
