the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I FOUND THE LEGS
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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