I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
