Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
