I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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