she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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