Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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