I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
True college students do jello shots in the library
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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